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August 10, 2006
Practicing Success
Srini started the session and said that he has started doing a two hour practice every day that includes exercise, meditation and reflection. He said he has been able to follow this without any break for a week and was hoping to continue it. He said he also started asking his kids to spend some time every day going over how they spent the day. This exercise he said has resulted in the kids cutting down on TV time by themselves and they look forward to the reflection time!
Prasad appreciated Srini�s commitment to his two-hour practice added a caution: He said that while we take practices, it is important to define its boundary to a short period (say, a week) and not project it into long-term future. The way a practice becomes long-term, he said, is by continuing to expand the �now�. The �now� could be one second, one day, one week or one month depending on the kind of practice one undertakes.
In other words, it is important to take a practice �one now� at a time, otherwise any slip that happens or any changes that are required will appear as a failure which will result in a guilt-trip. Or, if one is able to continue the practice for a reasonably longer period (say six months), it might result in pride. Or, if one lies to others that one is practicing because one has made it public, then it results in shame. That is, having a long-term expectation from a practice has the danger of pushing one into the Guilt, Pride and Shame - GPS trap.
What I understand from what Prasad said is that, if one takes up a practice only for one week, then what works and doesn�t work in that week can be applied to the next week. It allows one the flexibility to make changes and refine ones practice and be kind towards oneself when one fails. And when one is successful, it reminds one not to take too much pride as it is only for a week.
Srini�s request to his kids reminded me of what a friend of mine, Ashish did to reduce his daughter�s TV time. He said that one day, his daughter was watching TV and instead of asking her to stop it or turning off the TV, he picked up her bag and sat across her and quietly started reading her books. As he expected, in two seconds, she ran to him and peeped into the book he was reading. When asked whether she wanted to watch TV or read book with him, she promptly switched off the TV and sat next to him to read.
That I found to be a great example of how to direct a child�s energy towards good things and thereby steer them away from whatever is not healthy.
Rudra said that he just came back from a vacation to Italy and the trip was wonderful. He said that after he came back, he faced two tough situations on the same day: In the office, he came to know that several people have been laid off and his team has changed. The mood in the office was tense and no one knew what is going to happen next. At home, a family member was going through a possible health crisis and he had to run around managing it. By the next day, he said, the office situation was getting back to normal and health issue did not escalate into a crisis. So, in reality, nothing bad happened. But, he said, throughout the day he could observe his mind going up and down depending on the information he is looking at. He said that it felt as if reality was happening on its own but his mind kept creating a drama by interpreting reality in different ways as if the interpretation would affect and change the reality. He said that it was a good experience in understanding the nature of the mind.
Fiona said that recently she was asked by her Church whether she could volunteer at a hospital to spend time with senior patients. She said that by the time she was ready to go, they changed the opportunity to something unique: being a Baby Blesser! She said that a Baby Blesser is one who visits all the new born babies and their family in the hospital and talks to the mother to make her feel comfortable after the delivery. And with the mother�s permission, prays for the baby. She said that the role is not as much to impose a prayer on the baby but to just be available for the mother as a caring companion from outside the family and do whatever is needed to make her feel comfortable and enjoy the gift she has received. She said that it has been a great experience.
I said that I have been continuing to think and observe the uniqueness of each situation. I said that I often tend to be in most situations as if there is nothing new there and think and act differently (from what I do usually) only if there is something explicitly new. But I have also experienced many ordinary situations as new and fresh and I have been noticing that that is because I was aware of the uniqueness of those ordinary situations in many ways. The feeling of newness can be equated to generally looking in one direction and suddenly focusing ones attention on what is right in the front. It is like �wa..whaaat?� and waking up.
Rishi said that he had a discussion with friend on whether, at his age (19), it makes sense to invest money for long term or spend it on what is important to him at the present.
He said that his preference is to spend it now because he said that he doesn�t know how his life is going to turn out in the future. And since what he is doing currently is going to decide what his future would be, it makes sense to attend to and invest in the present so that a suitable future can be created. Moreover, he said that he is confident that at any point in the future, he could earn what he needs to survive and hence he does not have to worry about the future.
Rudra said that many times when he reads biographies, he felt that everything looks coherent and logical only retrospectively. He said that he suspects how much of a person�s life is actually the same as what is presented in that person�s biography. He said that by observing his own life, he could see that it is ambiguous, illogical at times and what eventually happens doesn�t seem to have clearly identifiable causes.
Prasad quoted Kierkegaard who said, �Life must be understood backwards; but... it must be lived forward.�
Prasad checked in and said that he has been recently playing tennis with a friend who is far superior to him and it has given him some insights. He said that initially he felt that it is his duty to play well so that his friend doesn�t get bored. This attitude he said resulted in self-criticism and guilt whenever he did not play well. All his attempt to please his friend, he said, did not translate into good shots. Later, he said, he came out of his need to please his friend and just played what came naturally to him. That day, he said his friend commented at the end of the session that that was one of his best work-out session.
Jay asked whether the shift in the attitude significantly improved Prasad�s game. Prasad said that he really doesn�t know whether he is playing well or not due to the shift and knows about the quality of his game only after it is over. That is, he said, while he is playing, these days, he just plays and is not stopping to ask himself whether he is doing something right or wrong. He said that whatever happens, happens and he goes with the flow. But from his friend�s comments, he said that he must have played well.
Jay said that he has been busy applying for jobs and attending interviews. He said that while his is cheerful most of the time, sometimes when he is �in the trench� he feels less-free and more anxious. He said that he is just acknowledging his feelings and moving along without fighting them or artificially forcing himself to be positive all the time.
Manvi said that she has been asking herself why her knowledge of what thinks as inappropriate is not preventing her from indulging in it. She said that not only she indulges in it but the temporary happiness in that indulgence is in turn clouding her sense of what is inappropriate. Just so that no one thinks she indulges in bank robberies, knowing Manvi, her indulgences are likely to be eating sweets, not studying for her exams and the like :)
Prasad said that what Manvi described is seen in many people. It is called self-sabotaging behavior. He said that it happens when one is not aware of ones conditioned pattern of thoughts and actions. Becoming aware of ones auto-pilot behavior and acknowledging them, he said, is the first step towards managing them.
Rudra asked what is the definition of success and whether there are any guideline in Indian spirituality to be successful.
Prasad said that he had identified six principles from Vedanta that helps a person define success for oneself and take actions to be successful.
1) Clarity of intention
2) Awareness of self and what is going on around you
3) Empathy for one another
4) Appreciation of others and for what you received
5) Stretching beyond your own limits
6) Letting go of what does not work and old mindsets.
Here is an article Prasad had written that describes the six principles.
What does success mean to you? Are there principles and practices that has helped you define and pursue success?
Posted by Ragu at August 10, 2006 09:41 AM