February 03, 2005
Awareness, Following one's heart.
... I and a friend were talking about how to be peaceful. While parting, he asked me to try something: He said, speak in a lower voice than you usually do, reduce your pace and speak more slowly and take pauses in between thoughts See what happens. Ever since, whenever I could do that I am noticing something significant - I am becoming more aware of what I say, I listen much better.
... Hearing someone speak without pausing is like listening to ten songs in a row without any break between any two songs. Everything becomes a blur an you can't discern anything. Being aware of one's own breath and sensations while speaking can inform us how much control we have one our thoughts and expression. Breathing literally controls how you speak. You can't sing properly without taking breath. But we don't apply the same logic to speaking. Many times my patients talk to me rapidly giving me disparate information. I then talk back to them slowly. And when they respond, they talk slowly. I don't have to ask them to slow down. They do what I do automatically.
Five skandas in Buddidsm:
Form, Feeling, Perception, Mental Formation, and Consciousness.
Let us say we have pain or pleasure in the body (form), we feel depressed or happy (feeling), we put our attention on it (perception) and intrepret it by forming some concept and naming it (mental formation) and recognize it as such whenever it happens after that (becming conscious if it). Though all of these are impermanent, we tend to cling to them. This clinging creates imbalance and makes us lose control.Being aware of these five skandas allows us to not cling to them and have control and balance on our body, feelings, thoughts, words and actions.
Whatever you associate with, it creates attachment - Samskaras get created. Whether a desire is fullfilled or not.. it leads to anger or frustration.
Desire is like fuel. The moe fuel you pour into your object of desire, the more fuel it demands. Whenever you are craving for non-self (and all desires are non-self)... it does not satisfy.
Anger or frustration creates a field. You lose perspective... it blinds you. When you are caught in anger... memory doesn't work right. From that point, everything leads to decay and destruction.
Sometimes when we have come out of a bad experience created by ourself, we tend to make statements like:
That wasn't me... I wasn't myself... I was out of my mind... That was my evil twin... That was my other bad half! etc. Implicit in these satements is the recognition that anything that goes wrong with us happens from the space of non-self.
By being aware we don't create memories. And hence each moment can be lived with freshness. We can respond to each moment with full awareness without bringing thoughts from the past or the future.
Books to read:
Beyond the Breath.
The Third Twin
How can I do what I want to do trusting that it will happen? When I listen to peope like Nipun, I ask myself, why can't I too follow my heart. But my "practical" side wins over. I used to be a person who followed his heart. Then I "grew up". I am looking for some answer, some insight, some means, method... something that will help me follow my heart.
... Me and my sister both are left handed. While I allowed myself to be influenced by my parents and others to not use my left hand for writing, eating etc, my sister did not listen to them. I wish I had the courage to make my own choice.
... I know of a couple who were on the verge of getting divorced. In the culture they were born into, divorce is not a choice. And in the culture they are currently living in, divorce is a very common. Had they listened to either of the cultures, they would have decided one way or the other just to comply with the cultural conditioning. But both of them, independently, without ever discussing with each other, made their own choice to not divorce. It goes to say that we always have a choice every momement in our life if we listen to our heart, if we operate from the core of our self. At that level, our choices are made from an existential perspective.
... At one point in my life, I was doing many things at the same time. I wanted to keep my "options open". I said to myself that if I am going to commit to one thing so much that I close all the other doors, then if I fail in that which I choose, I would not only have failed in that one thing, but also would have wasted precious time that I could have used to succeed in something else. Having options gave me a sense of security. But after going through a series of lessons, and after meeting some remarkable people, I decided to commit my life to what has been my dream, my vision. The day I did it, instead of feeling insecure, I felt liberated. I felt that I am free to give all my knowledge, experience, talents... all my self completely to my dream and follow my heart. To commit oneself completely to follow one's heart requires simple and complete trust in the universe that everthing will turn out well. That trust provides an enormous sense of freedom from the chains of "practicality", "impossibility", and "common sense", which while useful at one level, are usually used as resons to stifle one's passion. As thay say, "The mind does not know the resons of the heart."
Giving doesn't start when you have something to give. It starts when you have nothing else to take.
That kind of complete giving actually provides more return than one could ever plan for not only to oneself but for everyone else. But even that cannot be the reason to give because then it would not be complete giving.
Posted by pkaipa at February 3, 2005 11:49 PM
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heart does not attempt to know ... it goes by feeling. You eliminate what is not passionate for you. You stop doing things that take you away from your energy, enthusiasm and interest. Feel with your senses and the heart and follow your heart. It is much easier than thinking about it...
Posted by: Prasad Kaipa at February 9, 2005 08:39 AM
The problem is, my heart doesn't know what it wants. Am I just doomed to an inconsequential existence? How to go about finding one's passion?
Posted by: Sunil at February 4, 2005 12:26 AM